Monday 22 April 2013

Gordon the Geriatric Snail Conclusion.

Gordon staggered to his lady snail’s door
And lay there, panting, on the floor.
Eventually Gordon rang the bell
And he heard Betty give a yell.
“Just a minute!” Betty warbled,
Although to Gordon it sounded garbled,
As he’d forgotten to put his hearing aid in
And Betty’s aging voice was growing thin.
Gordon straightened up his tie
And when Betty’s door opened he gave a sigh,
As he saw a vision standing there,
With golden highlights in her hair,
Although – and this is no joke –
Her hair was yellowed from cigarette smoke,
But to Gordon’s “good” eye, Betty was his dream girl
And he loved the way her “golden” hair curled.
Unknown to Gordon, Betty had a secret,
And she’d managed for many years to keep it,
But she loved Gordon and felt he should know,
That bits of her were just for show.
In years gone by, Betty was a moll,
She’d been married to a gangster who had called her Doll.
One day in a shoot-out with a rival
Betty’s deception for survival
Had begun when her husband had been out-gunned
And Betty had found herself on the run.
But the biggest secret she was yet to tell?
She was, in fact, a slug in her late husband’s shell!
Gordon was shell-shocked – if you’ll pardon the pun –
And his poor old aging head had spun.
His heart was pounding and his flowers wilted,
He felt as though he’d just been jilted,
So Betty had to sit him down,
And as he sat confused he found,
A love for Betty so pure and true,
That Gordon knew what he had to do.
Gordon declared undying love for Betty
And suggested that they both, from now on, should be
Totally honest with each other,
So he confessed he was actually Gordon’s twin brother.
He was Colin and, when Gordon had died,
He had used Gordon’s cover to lead a happier life,
As Gordon was the twin who’d always been the best
And Colin had taken over Gordon’s success.
Colin and Betty decided it was fate
That they’d met and organised this date,
So they agreed to remain Gordon and Betty
And to keep each other’s secrets.
Gordon and Betty were very soon married
As at their age it could prove fatal had they tarried,
So Gordon watched Betty as she walked up the aisle
And her beauty made Gordon’s heart sing and he smiled,
For he knew theirs was a true love that would never fail,
And they lived out their days as Gordon and Betty Snail.


© RamblingRose@PeachPonderings. All rights reserved.

Sunday 21 April 2013

Gordon the Geriatric Snail Gets Ready For A Date.

Gordon, as you know, was a very old snail
Whose eyesight was beginning to fail,
But he knew his bucket list by rote
And kept it as a folded note
In the pocket closest to his heart,
And every day Gordon would start
By deciding which ambition to pursue
And double-checking what to do.
Today Gordon's face was glowing,

His excitement just kept on growing,
For he'd met a lady snail of late 
And today would be meeting her for a date.
This was another item on his list,
For Gordon until recently had never been kissed,
But pole vault failure had changed his luck
And Gordon was hoping for a lovely time.
So he set off at breakfast with his flowers
As he knew that it would take him hours
And he hoped the flowers wouldn't wilt before
He managed to arrive at his true love's door.


© RamblingRose@PeachPonderings. All rights reserved.

Thursday 18 April 2013

Gordon the Geriatric Snail Tries Pole Vaulting.

Gordon was ninety and had never been kissed,
It was one of his ambitions on his bucket list,
But today Gordon was aiming high,
As pole vault was next on his list to try.
Gordon held the pole and shuffled along,
At ninety years old he wasn't too strong,
He suddenly gave a little jump
And landed back down with a bump.
Gordon gave a disgusted snort,
His pole vault career had fallen short,
But a little old lady snail watching our hero
Cheered, despite him reaching zero.
As he passed her, Gordon gave her a kiss,
Then he crossed both ambitions off his bucket list.



© RamblingRose@PeachPonderings. All rights reserved.

Wednesday 17 April 2013

Gordon the Geriatric Snail Tries Pilates.

Gordon the snail had the ump,
He was tired of having a wet rump,
So he made up his mind to try Pilates,
But as he exercised he farted.
Gordon shot out through the door
And landed, crumpled, on the floor,
He decided it might be a safer bet
If he didn't bother and just stayed wet!
This is fine for a snail,
Nature intends them to leave a trail,
However, for the rest of us,
Staying water-tight is a must.
Although I also ought to mention 
The problem of urinary retention.
These problems each can be resultant
From surgery, so please see your Consultant.



© RamblingRose@PeachPonderings. All rights reserved.

Tuesday 16 April 2013

Gordon the Geriatric Snail.

Gordon was a very old snail,
Wherever he went he left a trail.
This can happen to any of us as we age.
A cough or sneeze is all it takes
If you can't apply your bladder's brakes,
So do your pelvic exercises
To avoid unpleasant, wet surprises!



© RamblingRose@PeachPonderings. All rights reserved.

Thursday 11 April 2013

Happy Birthday To Womb Cancer Support UK!

Today is the second birthday of Womb Cancer Support UK, so happy birthday WCSUK! 

If you need support for womb cancer you can find Kaz and Deb via either their website or their Facebook page:






Support page for women with womb cancer. Whether you are newly diagnosed, going through treatment, a survivor or know someone who has been affected by this cancer, then please join us and share your experiences. Created on 11th April 2011 by Kaz Molloy, and run jointly with Debra Parry. We are base...
Page: 646 like this.



Love Rose x


© All rights reserved.

Sunday 7 April 2013

Positive Thoughts.

I promised to think of some positive thoughts,
To work on remembering my life's not worth nought,
So I look at the blue sky, bright with the sun,
And my positive thinking journey's begun.
I remember my grandmother teaching me sewing,
And baking and crochet, my list keeps on growing,
She taught me to read and to write so young,
I thought she'd be with me forever.
I think of my grandfather teaching me Welsh,
I remember 'diolch' and not much else,
But my love of languages continued to grow
With French and German,
And Classical Greek I'll have you know.
I loved literature and history,
Back then maths was more a mystery
Than it currently is in my life.
I loved all mythology,
Greek and Roman absorbed me,
I also loved biology, though dissection appalled me.
No drinking or smoking, though I partied and danced,
Not so much now though, I've avoided the chance.
At some point cross-stitch came into my life,
Of course not so much now with my eyesight,
But the skills I acquired so long ago
Still serve me well with buttons,
And hems, don't you know,
And my daughter is keen to try them.
With that I turn to the love of my life,
My gift from the gods since that 1989 night
When I first knew that I was in labour.
I think she's the one person who transformed my life,
As she opened my eyes to life's wondrous sights,
And taught me to love unconditionally.
So I thank her for her love and count all my blessings,
And when times are tough, instead of stressing,
I'll think of this day with its positive thoughts
And know that my life is worth much more than nought.


© RamblingRose@PeachPonderings. All rights reserved.